From: Doug A. Scott To: sadwank@onelist.com Subject: [sadwank] The Jobel Awards Date: Sunday, August 02, 1998 17:30 From: "Doug A. Scott" [Doug walks up to podium, clears throat, taps mike] Welcome one and all to the first ever Jobel Awards! [photo of Jobel projected on wall behind Doug; after two or three tries, it is eventually shown right-side-up] As you all probably know, these awards were named the biggest letch in the Whoniverse, Jobel, supervisor of the Tranquil Repose mortuary. [very scattered applause; picture on wall fades] For each award, I'll be listing all the votes so you can see how your favourite character did. Well, on to business... Let's start with the body parts awards. All characters, not just companions and Doctors, were eligible for these first three awards. 1. Are Those Real?: The Best Breasts Award: Total votes: 13 Bernice "Benny" Summerfield: 1 (7.6%) Josephine "Jo" Grant: 1 (7.6%) Queen Galleia (from "The Time Monster): 1 (7.6%) Victoria Waterfield: 2 (15.3%) Perpugilliam "Peri" Brown: 8 (61.5%) Comments: No real suprise here as Peri sweeps the award with a... ahem... whopping majority. 2. She Knows How to Use Them: The Best Legs Award: Total Votes: 11 James Robert "Jamie" McCrimmon: 1 (9%) Vislor Turlough: 1 (9%) Dorothy "Ace" McShane: 1 (9%) Peri: 1 (9%) Elizabeth "Liz" Shaw: 1 (9%) Zoe Herriot: 1 (9%) Jo: 2 (18.1%) Tegan Jovanka: 3 (27.3%) Comments: I really through Tegan would get at least a majority vote here. It's also nice to see a couple of guys get votes. 3. Nice "S" (sorry, Superman joke): The Best Bottom Award: Total votes: 12 Melanie "Mel" Bush: 1 (8.3%) Turlough: 1 (8.3%) Tegan: 1 (8.3%) The Rani: 1 (8.3%) Nyssa: 1 (8.3%) The 70s Brigadier: 1 (8.3%) The 3rd Doctor: 1 (8.3%) Sarah Jane Smith: 2 (16.7%) Zoe: 3 (25%) Comments: A lot of nice bums throughout the years, so it's not suprising this was so close. The Brig vote kinda snuck up on me though. Now we move on to multiple character awards. In the next two categories, everyone picked two characters (companion or Doctor only, this time), explaining the high number of votes. 4. Companion Sandwich: The Threesome Award (companions or Doctor you would want to have a threesome with) Total votes: 24 Romanadvoretralundar "Romana" 1: 1 (4.2%) The 5th Doctor: 1 (4.2%) Turlough: 1 (4.2%) Ace: 1 (4.2%) Jamie: 1 (4.2%) Nyssa: 1 (4.2%) Jo: 1 (4.2%) Liz: 1 (4.2%) Leela: 1 (4.2%) Romanadvoretralundar "Romana" 2: 2 (8.3%) The 4th Doctor: 2 (8.3%) Tegan: 2 (8.3%) Sarah: 2 (8.3%) Ace: 2 (8.3%) The 7th Doctor: 2 (8.3%) Peri: 3 (12.5%) Comments: Boy, a lot of different choices here. One 1st place and a *six-way* tie for second! 5. Do My Back?: The Shower Award (two characters you would most like to *watch only* having a shower together) Total votes: 24 The 4th Doctor: 1 (4.2%) Sarah: 1 (4.2%) The 5th Doctor: 1 (4.2%) The 6th Doctor: 1 (4.2%) Romana 1: 1 (4.2%) Zoe: 1 (4.2%) Polly (Lopez?): 1 (4.2%) Romana 2: 1 (4.2%) Victoria: 1 (4.2%) Leela: 1 (4.2%) Tegan: 2 (8.3%) Nyssa: 2 (8.3%) Ace: 3 (12.5%) Peri: 7 (29.2%) Comments: Clearly a *lot* a people would like to see Peri naked, wet and soapy! (Can't say as how I blame them...) Onto the more... unique awards. 6. I Just Love Watching Her/Him *Eat*: The Oral Award (companion/Doctor with mouth best suited to oral sex): Total votes: 11 The 5th Doctor: 1 (9.1%) Peri: 1 (9.1%) Victoria: 1 (9.1%) The 8th Doctor: 1 (9.1%) Liz: 2 (18.2%) Ace: 5 (45.5%) Comments: Not my choice for winner, but I can see it. Also, nice to see our first vote for a TVMovie character. 7. The Baby Oil Award (companion/Doctor you would most like to see coated in baby oil) (I'm sorry, I couldn't think anything good to call this award; so sue me!) Total votes: 12 Mel: 1 (8.3%) Ian: 1 (8.3%) Zoe: 1 (8.3%) Liz: 1 (8.3%) The 5th Doctor: 1 (8.3%) Ace: 2 (16.7%) Peri: 5 (41.7%) Comments: Peri certianly is a popular girl, isn't she? Oh, and... Ian? 8. Leave It On, Baby, Leave It ON!: The Sexiest Costume Award: Total Votes: 11 Tegan, multi-coloured top, short black leather skirt, white stockings, black pumps; from "Frontios" and "Resurrection of the Daleks": 1 (9.1%) Nyssa, mini-slip and tank-top; "Terminus": 1 (9.1%) The 5th Doctor, dressing gown; "Black Orchid": 1 (9.1%) Turlough, shirt and shorts (especially when wet); "Planet of Fire": 1 (9.1%) Jo, denim mini-skirt, white boots, red knickers; "Day of the Daleks": 1 (9.1%) Section Commander Elizabeth Shaw, uniform (lose the wig, though); "Inferno": 1 (9.1%) Peri, bikini; "Planet of Fire": 2 (18.2%) Leela, leather; most Leela stories: 3 (27.3%) Comments: For a while, it didn't look like anyone would come out ahead on this one, but Leela made a small jump forward at the last minute. And, to the woman who voted for alternate Liz (I won't mention names): you naughty, naughty girl... wish *I'd* thought of it :-) And now, the last two awards, the big ones: 9. Hottest Companion: Total votes: 13 Sarah Jane: 1 (7.7%) Turlough: 1 (7.7%) Ace: 1 (7.7%) Ian: 1 (7.7%) Romana 1: 1 (7.7%) Leela: 1 (7.7%) Romana 2: 3 (23.1%) Peri: 4 (30.8%) Comments: My, this was close, and Peri only squeaked through at almost the last minute. 10. Hottest Doctor: Total votes: 8 4th: 1 (12.5%) 6th: 1 (12.5%) 7th: 1 (12.5%) 8th: 2 (25%) 5th: 3 (37.5%) Comments: Mr. Innocent wins by a nose! I guess the (mostly) girls like that clean-cut, helpless look... Well, that about wraps it up. I hope you all enjoyed reading the results and that we'll get a few more discussions going because of it. Next time we do this (whenever that might be), however... [Doug looks up at director and producer in control booth] It would be nice if we could arrange for some actual recipients and maybe a few demonstrations of the categories. *And* I want I celebrity co-host! Maybe Renee O'Connor in that sliky dress she wore for TV Guide! Or Jeri Ryan in her Seven of Nine outfit! Or Uma Thurman in her Emma Peel garb! Hell, all three!! I can think of more, too, you know!! Hey! Don't reach for that butt-- [mike shuts off; Doug waves arms wildly for a few minutes, gives up, and sulks his way off stage] ----------------------------------------------------------------- Doug A Scott Second-in-Command, Joxer Shields Member of the Gabrielle & Joxer Romantics Society Visit the Doctor Who Chronology at: http://www.islandnet.com/~dascott/intro.htm ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Help support ONElist, while generating interest in your product or service. ONElist has a variety of advertising packages. Visit http://www.onelist.com/advert.html for more information.