Brain Dead 12 ½ studios in association with Filthy Whore Productions presents: Hentai Island Fanfiction reviews. Where (almost) no lemon goes unpunished [Show 102 reel one] Starring: The hentai killer fanfic review board. Ranma Saotome Kasoheto Jinnai Naga Zelgadis Greywards Xellos Metallium Ryoko [Open on another beautiful day at hentai island. Our heroes (?) are all seated at a long table except for Xellos who's busy at a stove that has more or less appeared out of nowhere.] Ranma: Hi everyone. Welcome to Hentai Island. Ryoko: We're just having our first meal together since we got sent here. Jinnai: Hey Xellos you done yet? Xellos: Yes I am. [Carries his wok over] I cooked my special sure kill recepie. Zelgadis: He wouldn't. Xellos: [Opens the lid. A green fog soon covers the general vicinity] Everyone else: [Falls down groaning] Xellos: What? Ranma: I can't say it[Suddenly the alarm goes off] Jinnai: Here we go again. [Everyone files into the theater hut] Ranma: What's up? [Cut to Hentai Castle's throne room. The place basically looks like a bomb hit it. Xander is caught in a medieval stock, Nagaii, Sakura, and Trentor are rather messily digging on the remains of a few unfortunate cat girls. Nescaro is stand off to the side of Xander with his sledge hammer on his shoulder] Nescaro: Ahh hello kiddies. Me and Xander here are just catching up on old times. Xander: Just how did you get off the ship?! Nescaro: I had a little help From her. [A new girl enters. She's very tall (a foot shorter then Nescaro who's about 7'9" She has blue green skin, brown hair, and is wearing a long black cape, a halter top, yellow and red hot pants] This is Kiria, my fiancée. Kiria: So you're the one that's been dicking around with my love toy huh? [She draws a rather wicked looking knife] Nescaro: Dearest that's no way to behave. We are guests. And we're going to be for a while. Xander: What? Nescaro: You'll see. Tell em about the fic. Xander: Your fic for today is called Guns I haven't got anything else to say about it. Nescaro: Enjoy! [Hentai Island. The buzzers go off] Jinnai: Hentai sign! Let's go! *lemon*humour*yaoi* GUNS Ranma: That's what I wanna use on this author by Hyel Zelgadis: Anyone have a clue how to pronounce that? Naga: Shit head. Jinnai: That fits. On the roof of the Tendo dojo... Jinnai: Let's hope Akane's gonna jump off of there. "Hold on, Ryoga... You gotta do this right the first time, y'know. Jinnai: [As Ryoga] But this is the third time. Zelgadis: You can do better then that. Jinnai: Bite me I've been up all night. Xellos: I know. You and miss Naga really shouldn't make so much noise. Otherwise you'll never get it right." Ranma: This whole thing is just wrong. "I'm not sure I want to try this, Ranma... Ryoko: He's not the only one. not here." Naga: Or anywhere. "Don't worry, Zelgadis: We can't do anything else. it's safe, trust me." Ryoko: Yeah right. "Well..." "Here. Take it." Xellos: Take it far away! "Wait, Ranma..." Xellos: Godot isn't here yet. Jinnai: What the hell are you talking about? Xellos: Now that is a secret Zelgadis: I think we all saw that coming. "Don't be such a chicken. Naga: Just taste like one. Just put your hand on it. There... easy, wasn't it?" Jinnai: This is too easy. "Yeah... Wow, it's loaded." Ryoko: Is it too much to hope it'll go off? Ranma: I feel sick "Don't worry... Now, just get the feel of it... Zelgadis: I have nothing to add. Y'know, just get Ranma: Me the hell out of here. used to having it in your hand. Remember not to squeeze there, not yet... That's the trigger." Naga: There goes our hope for getting out of here early. "Like this?" Xellos: that and this and uhhh. "YES, exactly like that! Ohhh, that's good... Naga: Says you. Careful, careful... Xellos: We don't have a mop handy. Zelgadis: That's just wrong. Ranma: This whole thing is wrong. Now... just... Naga: Go. squeeze a little... Ahh!" "Hey, it came off!" All: What the hell? Xellos: That really sounded bad. Ranma: [Turning and interesting shade of purple] Jinnai: Urk.[Buries his face in Naga's chest] Xellos: Sanctuary! "Yeah, well, that's the point, right? Ranma: No the point is getting the hell outta here! That was still a bit shaky on your part, though, Ryoga. Zelgadis: That's not the only thing that's shaky around here. [Glances over at Jinnai and Naga.] Now it's my turn. Move over a little, I'll show you how it's done... Xellos: This is what he pays me for. Jinnai: [Glances up from Naga's chest] Like father like son. [right back to the bosom] Naga: Can't fault a man with good taste. Like this... see?" Jinnai: [Muffled] No I can't see a thing. And I ain't complaining! Naga: [Laughes] "You're... really good at this, Ranma..." Xellos: It's easy when you know the secret. "Thanks. Now, no more playin' 'round, Ryoko: This ain't no disco. it's time to put it in. Let's just get this shirt out of the way... There, much better, don't ya think?" Zelgadis: Compared to what? "Yeah... that's better. That is better. Naga: You just said that. But now the pants are in the way..." Ranma: Oh well too bad gonna have to stop then. Jinnai: You dreamer you. "So just remove them. Just let me take this... Zelgadis: I want to see what it's worth as a trade in. That any good? Ryoko: All together now All: Hell no! Thought so... I'll just slide it in..." "GYAAA!!" All: Arrrrgh! "What? What did I do?!" "My finger!" "Oh, sorry, didn't see it there." Ryoko: Where? Xellos: I'd rather not know. "I think this is going to be harder than I thought..." (a few moments of heavy breathing) "I think we've got it now..." Naga: Got what? Jinnai: The plague if we're lucky. "Yes!" All: No! "Just a little more..." "H-hold on... squeeze it a bit more, would you?" Naga: Just put your hands together and squeeze. Jinnai: That an invitation? Naga: Wait till after the fic. "Like this?" "Perfect! Oh, that's it! We're THERE!" Xellos: That wasn't worth the trip. "Ryoga? Ranma? Is that you? Ranma: No it's Santa Clause. What on earth are you guys doing up there on the roof?!" Jinnai: fiddling. "We were just playin' around with my rifle! We're tryin' to pack it into Ryoga's backpack!" Jinnai: Is even Akane dumb enough to believe that? "Oh! Okay." Zelgadis: looks that way. Down in her room, Akane giggled a little to herself as she closed the window. Xellos: [As Akane] Me so stupid Jinnai: Sounds more like Shampoo. What a dirty imagination she sometimes had. Jinnai: Nahhh I'm not touching this one. When she'd first heard them, she'd thought... But that was impossible. Guns. Of course! Xellos: Of course no one in Ranma ½ has a gun. Ranma: I'm still waiting for the humor. Meanwhile... Zelgadis: We were still bored. "Packing your rifle in my...?" Jinnai: Say it! "Hey, she bought it, didn't she? Whaddaya say we do it in her room next time?" All: ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH! -the end- Jinnai: Thank god. End notes: ^_^ *snort* Heh heh heh... *giggle* Ooo, I'm evil. Jinnai: I can think of a few other things you are. == - Vilja You fools! Jinnai: Hey we didn't write these jokes we just say em. Zelgadis: So much for the fourth wall. You will PAY for your insulin! Ranma: Yeah what ever. Jinnai: Let's go. [Everyone leaves. Later in the theater hut] Ranma: Okay everyone this is our new feature where we rate the fics. Okay Jinnai you go first. Jinnai: It sucked. Naga? Naga: It sucked bad. Zelgadis? Zelgadis: It brought back some very bad memories Ryoko? Ryoko: [Who's started chugging saike] Don't make me talk about it. Xellos? Xellos: What did I think of the fic? Now that Zelgadis: Is a secret? Xellos: I was going to say unprintable. Ranma? Ranma: I'm with Xellos on this. What do ya think? [Hentai Castle. Kiria is using a few of the cat girls as targets for knife throwing. Xander who's still trapped looks a little outraged] Nescaro: Very nice. However there's more to this show. To celebrate the fact that Xander just agreed to let us crash here for a while since our place is being remodled. Xander: I did? [Kappa and Shrivanzella both kick him] Nescaro: [Whacks Xander with the hammer] We're going to do another fic. It's called cleaning up. And I hope you haven't eaten..Enjoy! [Hentai Island] All: [Groan] Ranma: Not again! [Everyone goes to the theater] CLEANING UP Jinnai: And Making the bed. by The Hentai Man Ranma: Not again. A tentative knocking drew Akane's attention to the front door of the apartment, and she walked over to answer it. Jinnai: Riviting. On the other side stood Sailor Mercury, covered in some kind of goop, looking down in embarrasment. Zelgadis: Or shame. Ranma: I'd say shame. Akane gasped. "Ami! What happened?" Ryoko: [As Ami] I was out clubbing again. Ami immediately looked left and right, relieved to find no-one watching. Jinnai: Especially not us. Zelgadis: Your too busy watching Naga. Jinnai: Damn right. Akane followed her looks, then winced as she realised her blunder. Ranma: Which one? Jinnai: This fic's a good start. Her concern for her blue-haired friend overran her promise to keep Ami's secret idenity a secret. Ryoko: Why would she know anyhow? And don't they usally change back before they go home? Jinnai: Don't bother trying to make sense out of it. Your head will explode. Fortunately, there was no-one, but Akane ushered Ami inside quickly and shut the door. "What happened?" she asked again. Jinnai: I'm guessing a cheap excuse for a shower scence. Ranma: Read this one already huh? Ami held her goop covered hands away from herself, a disgusted expression on her face. Zelgadis: We know the feeling. "We were fighting a monster, and when killed it..." Ranma: Someone else channeling Shampoo. She held up an arm. "Well, you can see what happened." "You should take better care of yourself." Jinnai: And you should get the hell on with it. "I may not be a karate expert, but I can take care of myself," Ami pointed out. Everyone: [Busts up laughing] "Urgh. I need a shower." Jinnai: Called it. Ranma: I still wanna know how you knew that. Jinnai: Back me up here Xellos. Jinnai and Xellos: Now that is a secret! Akane nodded. "I'll be in the kitchen," she replied. Zelgadis: And we'll be in our own private hell. Ranma: No that's probably what's happening with Xander. * * * Naga: Starry eyed again. Ami stood under the deafening spray of the shower, letting the water flow over her, taking the slime with it. Ryoko: Well that's kinda the point. On the bathroom floor lay her uniform, still covered with the stuff, but Ami wasn't worried. Ranma: But I am. When she transformed back, the clothes would disappear, and then come back clean next time, Ranma: Beats the hell outta going to the laundry mat. but Ami wasn't sure that that would also go for herself, and wanted to be clean before possibly subjecting her normal clothing to a gunking. Naga: But she's got no problem exposing us to a [Jinnai covers her mouth] Jinnai: Censors. She picked up the shampoo bottle, and spurted a blob into her hand. Then she replaced the bottle and started massaging the shampoo into her hair, relaxing at the calming feel of her hands in her hair. Zelgadis: Now pay attention guys this is obviously real important. And then she nearly jumped out of her skin as another pair of hands touched her hair and a voice said Jinnai: Abandon hope all ye who enter here? Ranma: Bad lemon? Your soaking in it. "Here, let me take care of that." However, she also recognised Akane's voice, and started relaxing again as Akane washed her hair. Xellos: Lemon in 5,4,3,2. "What about dinner?" Ami murmured. Ryoko: Jinnai don't even think it! Jinnai: [Has planted his face in Naga's chest again] Don't worry. "It can wait." Zelgaids: Hopefully they'll starve Jinnai: [Still in Naga's bosom] Welcome to the dark side. Akane rinsed the shampoo out of Ami's hair, then leant forward and placed a kiss on the back of Ami's neck. Ami closed her eyes as Akane reached up to stroke her hands gently over her face. Ami smiled as Akane slipped a finger into Ami's mouth, and Ami sucked and nibbled on it gently. Ryoko: Ummmm okay Jinnai: [Looking up] Guess she must be hungry. Naga: I know how she feels Akane removed her finger and continued to stroke down Ami's body, Xellos: I feel like I'm having a stroke. brushing over Ami's neck, getting the last vestigages of the gunk from Ami's body. The feel od the water and Akane's hands made Ami shiver with pleasure. Jinnai: Either that or they ran out of hot water. Ranma: Bad memories. Akane removed her finger, and moved her hands down Ami's body, wiping down her arms, then back up to move down Ami's front, only brushing slightly over Ami's nipples, although her brief touch was enough to make Naga: Me feel sleepy. Ami twitch as a jolt of electricity shot through her. Ryoko: Frying her the end. Ranma: Oh come on. Ryoko: A girl can dream. Ami's stomach was next, but then Akane separated her hands to move onto Ami's legs, Jinnai: [Singing] She's got legs, and she knows how to use em. Xellos: How? Jinnai: Walking mostly. Well what did you expect? This ain't high comedy here. leaving the area inbetween for now. She moved down Ami's legs, then back up in the back of them, before sweeping the last of the stuff from Ami's back. Zelgadis: What would it be doing there? Jinnai: You care? Zelgadis: Of course not I'm trying to stay awake. Her hands on Ami's shoulders, Akane started massaging Ami, driving the last of the tension from her. Ryoko: I wish it did that for us. Ami leant backwards, resting on Akane, her eyes still closed. Xellos: [As Ami] If I ignore it maybe it'll go away Akane moved her hands down Ami's front, stroking the outside of Ami's breasts, and moved her hands underneath them, cupping them from behind. Ranma: Make sure you get all over. Ami moaned, a little water trickling into her mouth as Akane squeezed. Ami reached back, and placed her hands on Akane's hips, and she squeezed Akane's flesh in return. Jinnai: What is she trying to get the juice outta it? Ranma: Think about what you just said Jinnai: Whoops[Back to the bosom] Akane kissed the side of Ami's neck again as she slipped her hands up to take Ami's nipples in between her fingers. Ryoko: Gee we've never seen this before Akane smiled as Ami gripped her hips harder in reaction. "Oooh, yes," Ami whispered. All: Oh no! Akane nibbled at Ami's ear Jinnai: Yep definitely hungry. as she rubbed her hand down Ami's body, and cupped it over Ami's crotch. Jinnai: That's a new move. "Yes," whispered Ami, more urgently. Ryoko: [As Ami] Yes I want to get out of here. Ami gasped as Akane slipped a finger inside her. Jinnai: Cover me I'm going in! Naga: Wait till after the fic. Ryoko: Great the lunatics are the only ones getting any She arched her hips, trying to drive Akane deeper. Akane didn't play along, and teased Ami by drawing her finger back out again. "No," Ami moaned. All: Yes! Akane positioned her hand, then stroked her thumb over Ami's clitoris as she pushed two fingers deep into Ami. Ami bucked violently on her hand, gasping for more. Everyone: [Starts gasping for less] Akane pumped hard, and with that, Akane twisting her nipples, and the water hitting her skin, Ami came quickly, easily, and, more importantly, hard. Jinnai: Hard to belive that is Akane held herself still as Ami bucked on her, her senses momentarily overwhelmed. Jinnai: Our boredem is overwhelming us Ami slipped slightly, unable to remain standing, but Akane held her up. Ryoko: A supportive couple. Jinnai: The wit is Washu's department huh? Ami shook her head, as she slowly came back to herself. Ranma: [As Ami] What the hell have I been doing? Jinnai: I guess the drugs are wearing off. "Was it good?" Akane asked. Xellos: No. Jinnai: Nope. Zelgadis: No. Ranma: Your joking right? Ami turned around to answer, and came face to chest with Akane. Jinnai: Hey Ranma remind you of anything? Without any further encouragement needed, she slipped her arms around Akane, and took one of her nipples into her mouth. Naga: Oh sure stretch the damn thing out more. Asshole. Jinnai: Calm down it'll be over soon. "Mmmm," Akane moaned, and stroked Ami's wet blue hair as Ami suckled at her. Ami bit the nipple gently, and her hands moved down to grasp and squeeze Akane's buttocks, Ryoko: Ass me no questions. and then prise Jinnai: The hell? her legs open gently. Xellos: The tunnel is open for business! With her tongue always touching Akane's flesh, and with the water still pouring on her, Ami moved down until she rested between Akane's thighs. Jinnai: Going down! Ryoko: We'll hit bottom any minute. Akane stared down at the sexy sight of Ami below her, but tilted her head back and closed her eyes in pleasure as Ami's tongue darted out to lick at her womanly folds. Jinnai: Sounds like something you'd do playing poker. Everyone else: [Gives Jinnai a weird look] "Ooo," Akane cooed gently as Ami pulled on her to drive Zelgadis: Us into despare. Naga: I've been there a while. her tongue in deeper. Ami paused every now and then to lick and suck at Akane's clitoris, but she always returned to her self-imposed task fo eating Akane out. Jinnai: Wonder what the bill's gonna look like. As Ami lapped at her, Akane's passion rose steadily until an orgasm swept gently over her, not as intense as some she had experienced, but just as pleasurable. Ryoko: Well OH forget it! Ami stood and they shared a hug as the water flowed over them. Naga: Get on with it. * * * Akane wrapped Ami in a large towel, and started rubbing her to dry her. Ryoko: And they're rubbing me the wrong way. "I thought I was supposed to be the aggresive one," Jinnai: Well where'd ya hear that crap? Akane said, mock-sternly. "I'm sorry," Ami pouted, looking just too cute, making Akane unable to resist placed a deep kiss on her lips. "That's all right. I forgive you." Jinnai: And so we wave goodbye to our friends. Naga: If not satisfied with the fanfic please return the unused portion for a full refund. Ranma: Let's go. [Everyone leaves. Later at the island's villiage.] Jinnai: Well that sucked. Ranma: Yeah. I don't even have the energy to rate that one. Ryoko: Let's just end it. What do you think? [Hentai Castle] Xander: [Finally free] Well that was fun Kara: Master are you sure it was a good idea to let Nescaro and his friends live in the basment? Xander: No but they wouldn't let me outta that damn thing otherwise. Besides what could they do down there? Nescaro: [Letting out a bellow loud enough to be heard thought the castle] You call this booze?!?!?!?! Xander: Urk! Until next time [End] Preview: Xellos: Hello again! Next time on hentai island we're reviewing yet another painful yaoi fic, and we discover a few interesting things about our island. It's episode 103 or Magic of the Kawa Berries. See you then.