The Wedding Script Positive feedback and / or constructive criticism always welcome. Date posted to SXF: June 24, 1998 Rating: NC-17 Warnings: None. Well, a bit of angst. Disclaimer: Theirs. This is an answer to the "swoon in June" challenge. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The Wedding Script by Gina Collum grwc@hotmail.com ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Naomi: Good afternoon, everyone, and thank you for coming. I'm Naomi, speaking for the Sandburgs. Steven: And I'm Steven, speaking for the Ellisons. Naomi: We two are here today to attest to the joining of our families that has already taken place, and to represent to you the fondest desire of Blair Sandburg and James Ellison: to be joined in matrimony for the rest of their lives. Steven: Why bother? You must already know they're loopy about each other--if you don't, you're probably looking for the philately convention, it's down the hall to the left--[pause for laughter]--so why a ceremony at all? Naomi: Because it's love. Steven: Because it's contrary to their roles as adults. Naomi: Because love is always a transgression. Here we have two perfectly responsible people, productive members of society, suddenly making cow eyes and using sappy pet names like "cupcake"--[pause for laughter] Steven: It's only natural for the rest of us to be worried. Naomi: Love is, or can be, one of the most disrupting forces we know. Through the tradition of marriage, we recognize that, for all its danger, it is still a positive force. Steven: Through the tradition of marriage, we make love work for society rather than against it. Naomi: The nature of the marriage vow is not a promise between two that they will love each other forever, but a promise between two people and a community. Steven: James and Blair stand before you today, prepared to swear that they will go on as the friends and coworkers that they are to us already, that they can be relied on to keep up their part in making life work, no matter how silly they are with each other. Naomi: They are prepared to make a covenant with us, their community. Our part of the bargain is to stand with them, to support their relationship, to offer our friendship, and, if necessary, our advice. Our part is to promise to remain their community. If there is anyone here who is not prepared to make this covenant with Blair and Jim, there's still time for you to join the philatelists down the hall. [Pause for laughter.] Steven: But before we start the vows, let's allow the principals to lay their case before you. Blair? Blair: I want to do this because I think we can make this work. We've been partners for years--you know how well. Over the years our lives have gradually become more entwined. I love his humor and his intelligence. I love his athleticism and his pleasure in the outdoors. We've saved each other's lives, and Jim is my best friend. He's stood by me when I was ill, when I was afraid, when danger threatened because of stupid situations I got myself into. He's protected me as much as he can, and he's accepted from me another kind of protection. He accepts me completely; I don't think there's anything I could tell him that could damage our closeness. All those words in the traditional marriage vows--in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer--he's already done all that for me. In short, I love him. I love you, Jim. I want to be yours forever. Naomi: And now Jim. Jim? Jim: What the hell are you thinking, Darwin--I would never marry *you*! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Shit!" Blair jerked his pen off the page. He ripped the last several sheets out of the wire-bound notebook, crumpled them up, and threw them in the corner. A moment later he was flattening them out on his desk. He stared at the blank space at the end, swallowing heavily. Finally he folded the pages and stuck them in one of the binders in which he kept data for the Sentinel project. He set his textbooks aside, turned off his reading lamp, and slid down between the sheets. //I wish...// He knew what he wished. A certain chest to cuddle against, certain muscular arms to enfold him... He wanted company tonight. And he knew it would be soon; it was nineteen days since the last time, and they never went as long as three weeks. //I could just make a pass at him... Yeah, Sandburg, take the easy way.// If he knew for sure what the man wanted, he'd just...but Jim was so hard to read. //I can't go to him. Not until he tells me. Not until I know he wants me.// ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Jim made the rounds, checking all the windows, turning out lights, locking the door, and checking the freezer one last time. (You never knew when a tub of ice cream might magically appear in there). Then he stopped at the foot of the stairs, listening. //He's turning in.// He put one foot on the lowest step. //Sandburg doesn't want... He didn't... He's never...// Jim winced. He only got that incoherent when lust took over. //He's...not asleep yet.// After an internal struggle, he went to the glass doors and knocked. The heartbeat inside rocketed as Blair sat up. "Yeah?" Jim opened the door a couple of inches. Softly: "Will you come upstairs?" Sandburg shot out of bed, wrenched the door open, and threw himself into Jim's arms. Jim devoured his mouth. //My God. My God, I love you.// Blair moaned. //Eager tonight. Been longer than usual. Love you. Be mine...// He broke the clinch, grabbed Blair by the elbow, rushed him to the stairs, and took the steps two at a time. He threw Blair on the bed, who didn't let go but dragged Jim down on top of him. Blair *oof*ed at the impact and ran his hands down Jim's back to his ass. "Do me." Jim fumbled with Blair's boxers, managed to get them off. //Want you more than I've ever wanted anyone...// He wanted to say it, but he couldn't. He couldn't talk during sex. The more intense it was, the less noise he could make; with Blair, he couldn't even groan. He dipped his tongue into Blair's navel. //You're beautiful. Love you.// Sucked on the pierced nipple. //Love you, Blair. Be *my* Blair. Want you.// "Yes, lick me, touch me, make me scream...ohh, there, like that..." Blair. A talker, a moaner, a screamer. //Sweet words, my Blair. Never stop. Want you. Lover.// He knew Blair's body, now. That first time together, the day Sandburg had moved in, had been good; kid had skill, knew the territory, had obviously been with a man before. But three years of intermittent practice, and he knew what the kid liked. And vice versa. "Mn! You damn tease. Put your hand on my cock *now*." //I'll do that. I'll do more than that. I want you. Erase all those others from you. Never leave me.// He took the head of Blair's cock in his mouth, swirled his tongue around the tip. With one hand he played with Blair's nipple. With the other, he parted Blair's legs to caress his thighs. //Like this? Love your eagerness. Love *you*.// "Oh...yeah. Do that some more...Oh, I take that back--take me in your mouth--all the way. Please..." //Not yet, lover. You're so much sweeter than you know. I'll show you. Can't say it. Have to show you.// He abandoned Blair's cock for a moment (a protesting whimper came south) to lick his fingers. Then he swallowed his cock again at the same time that he thrust a finger into Blair's anus. Blair cried out, arching his back. Jim ran the tip of his tongue up and down the underside of his lover's cock. //Taste good. Lover.// "Ah! Yes. I want you so much. Mm, like that." He thrusted into Jim's mouth, down onto Jim's fingers, up again... He hooked a finger through Blair's nipple ring. "Ohh...magnificent..." //How can he come up with such long words at a time like-- No, not yet!// Sensing Blair's impending orgasm, he withdrew entirely to the other side of the bed. "Baby, come back!" He did. He seized Blair for a long series of kisses, struggling not to pet him too intimately until he was sure Blair wouldn't go over the edge. Struggling--Blair's hands moved on Jim's cock with no holds barred. //My lover. My love. Want you!// "Touch me, baby. You know how..." He rolled onto his back, pulling Blair over him. Caressed his ass, his hair... Blair's moans went up another notch in volume. He nipped Blair's lips, his jaw, his ears. Blair let go of Jim to fumble with the nightstand. Swiftly he sheathed Jim's cock in latex, rubbed lubricant on it, and tossed the little packages over the side of the bed. Jim hoisted him into position. The younger man sucked air as he impaled himself. Jim felt his lips parting in a grimace of ecstasy. //So hot.// Jim ran his fingertips up and down Blair's thighs. //My partner. My best friend.// "Oh, yeah. I'm ready." He held onto Blair's hips and thrust gently. //Lover. Beloved.// "Harder, baby...ohh...You know you're the only one who does this to me...yeah... I like that. Harder." Sucked air again, the sweat standing out on his face and neck. "Mmm...baby...that's so good...mmm, beautiful...you're a god..." //Don't have enough hands.// He pumped Blair's cock, caressed his stomach, pulled him close for a kiss, pushed him away again. Blair reached down, demanding of Jim's body, another moan bursting from him. //Like to have you touch me. Like to be in you. Love you.// The younger man grabbed, caught Jim's hand. //What...?// Blair thrust Jim's thumb into his mouth as far as it would go. Jim thrashed and came. //Oops. Shouldn't be me first.// He reclaimed his hand and gave Blair's nipple ring a rough jerk in time with the pumping of his other hand. "YESSS!" He got a heartbreaking glimpse of Blair's beautiful throat as the young man threw his head back. Then Blair collapsed across him. //Love you. If just once you would call my name while we do it...// A pause. Then Blair kissed him lightly, licking his mouth without going deep. "You're so good, baby." Kiss, lick, nibble. Jim hoped for more words. //But there won't be any. There never are.// Blair left his arms. Put the lube back in the drawer, the condom wrapper in the trash. //Stay with me. Be really mine.// He watched the younger man put his boxers back on, slip into the bathroom, then come back with a damp washcloth. Allowed Blair to clean the semen off his stomach and chest. They kissed again. Then Sandburg ghosted down the stairs to his own room. //Stay with me, lover.// Blair never did. Jim never asked him to. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "...marriage is a crock, anyway, Chief, I can tell you--I've been there. If two people really love each other that much, they can just tell each other, and it doesn't matter what they say in front of how many people..." //I don't want to talk about this,// Blair thought. "...anyway, it was strange. *We* didn't know what to say. How many men do you know who plan their own wedding when they haven't yet picked out a bride?" Blair, with his back turned, didn't bother to hide his wince. "Not many. Look, I have to go. Meeting in the Anthro building, then some things I have to do around the office..." "Will you be back in the afternoon?" He glanced over his shoulder. Anecdote finished, Jim seemed to be wholly occupied with shoveling eggs into his face. "No. Going with a friend to the circus." Jim glanced back. "Is she cute?" Like any guy egging on his buddy about a woman. "Yeah," he replied with a dry mouth. "See you later." And fled. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ A Saturday morning was the worst. It said *weekend* all over it; you knew you ought to be having fun, but you were still so wrecked from the stresses of the Job, you didn't know what to do with yourself. Unless you had a certain curly-headed anthropologist to dwell on... //Yeah, Jim. Spend your Saturday morning mooning over a man who won't even spend *two hours* in your bed. And who's out chasing skirt right now.// Sandburg could hardly wait to get away from him, on a morning-after. //Every damn time. Can you say 'issues?' I knew you could.// He shook his head and applied himself to cleaning. An hour and a half later, he straightened the pictures on the walls for the third time and contemplated dusting the shelves again--just in case. //Speaking of just in case...// He checked the freezer. Nope. No ice cream. Hm. What next? Sandburg had a way of putting his hands on the glass panes of his doors that probably left fingerprints. He fetched the Windex and some paper towels and went into Sandburg's room. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Professor Blair Sandburg, Anthropology Boy, threw himself down into his chair and put his hands over his face. He ached in places he didn't usually think about. //The only thing worse than a departmental subcommittee meeting is a departmental subcommittee meeting on the morning after a night before with James Ellison. Damn the man. I don't want to be his fuckbuddy.// The first time he'd had sex, he'd been fifteen, and terribly disappointed and worried when it did not induce a warm afterglow. He'd eventually learned the term 'post-coital depression', and that for him, at least, it was to be expected but not severe. Until James-damn-him-Ellison came along. More recent experience had taught Blair that after sex (could you call it making love, under these circumstances?) with his so-studly cop partner roommate, he could expect to wallow in the depths of self-pitying triste for--he glanced at his watch--//Well, about four more hours now. Unless I get laid again before then.// Which he didn't really care to do, actually, but it would be better than wallowing. //I'd be ready to throw in the towel on this whole partnership, if it weren't for the way he submits so...ecstatically.// If he wanted to, he could (without referring to the notes that he'd kept up compulsively, even knowing he could never put this kind of information in his thesis) mark on a calendar each occasion Jim had wanted to get penetrated instead of the other way around. It was so rare--but so powerful. Blair had always assigned little importance to topping versus bottoming. But to Jim it obviously meant something; he relished topping. The few times he had offered himself, he'd relished that, too, but he only wanted it after (or during, if there was time) a life-threatening crisis. Jim's invitation to go upstairs for sex meant, "I'm horny, wanna fool around?" while the invitation to possess Jim's body meant, "We are Sentinel and Guide, partners, and we were meant to be together." //The former's good, the latter's better--but neither's sufficient.// It all seemed to work out, partners, friends, whatever...except for the lonely ache in his chest. //So you accept what he gives, and turn elsewhere for anything more.// He folded his arms on his desk and pillowed his head there. //Except when he's letting me do him to affirm our partnership, he's just screwing me because I'm a good fuck. Hell, maybe I'm not even a *good* fuck, I can't get a sound out of him, maybe I'm just an adequate fuck.// ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ He'd been in and out of the room half a dozen times. He didn't like to snoop--what with his hyper senses, the kid had little enough privacy as it was--but there were those damn black binders lined up on Sandburg's desk, clearly labeled, "Sentinel Project." Finally he gave in, took a couple off the desk, sat down on Sandburg's bed, and flipped through them. The first he'd grabbed looked like a journal of speculations, some of which he recognized from Sandburg's ramblings. The second started out with a list of names--every woman Jim had flirted with since the kid had lived in the loft. With Sandburg's name tucked right in the middle. //What the...?// He checked the label again. Underneath "Sentinel Project" in small block print, "Sexual Data." //Jesus fucking Christ, I can't believe he...// He looked at the next page. His vision reddened. //Damn. Damn. He must have written everything he knows about my sex life in here...// He went quickly through the pages about Carolyn, then lifted a tab to look at the next section. Dates. And blow-by-blow accounts of...no pun intended...of... //Is *this* why he's been sleeping with me? I've never been so... I'll kill him. I'll go over to his office right now and kill him.// As he stood up, some papers fell out of the notebook. He picked them up. Handwritten. They'd been wadded up, then flattened out and folded sloppily. He unfolded them read: "Naomi: Good afternoon, everyone, and thank you for coming. I'm Naomi, speaking for the Sandburgs..." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Blair straightened up, wiping his face. //This is sick and pathetic, Sandburg. Shake it off. You did actually come here to get some work done.// Feet ran down the corridor. His gaze snapped to the door just as Ellison barrelled in, panting. "What's wrong?" He rose. "Is it a case? Which one?" Jim came around the desk, seized Blair, and proceeded to make his tongue at home between Blair's tonsils. //Oh, God, not this, I can't... I can't... I can't deny you anything.// He wrapped his arms around Jim. When he ran out of air, he gasped, "The door's open--" Jim let go of him, closed the door, and threw the lock. Blair swept the crap off his desk. About two seconds later they were both naked, Jim dragging Blair over him--for a moment Blair didn't understand the suggestion, then it burst over him: //God, he wants me to fuck him. What's gone wrong now?// But he didn't try to make his partner stop and talk; Jim's hands caressed, and endearments and encouragements came from Blair without his willing it. He pulled away long enough to grab the necessities out of his backpack, then returned (gloved and lubed) and plunged into Jim in one long smooth motion. Jim's mouth opened as he arched his back, pushing against Blair's pelvis. //God, he's so tight...// He caressed the sensitive spots just below Jim's armpits, pinched his nipples. He loved the way Jim sweated buckets when he was excited. They'd hardly ever done it in daylight before, but Jim was so beautiful like this, helplessly aroused, writhing on Blair's cock. //I love you,// he thought, but what came out of his mouth was, "...you're so good, you love this, you love getting fucked..." He shuddered, changed the angle of his thrusting. Jim bit his hand. //Oh my God...// "Oh God, baby, that's good...yeah...yes...YES!" ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ //We must be an obscene sight,// Blair thought. They were still lying on his desk, kissing. He'd praised Jim--a personal rule of his: No good turn goes unmentioned--and then lapsed into quiet. Post-sex sadness dammed up his throat fast. Always did. //We're *so* stuck in a rut, here. Well, at least one of us is happy.// Finally he put his hand over Jim's mouth to stop the kissing. "What--um, what brought that on?" Jim drew in a shaky breath. He got up and reached for his jeans. //Damn.// He picked up his own clothes. "Come on, Ellison, *something* must have brought that on. You never *do* that, man." He reconsidered what he'd just said, but decided to let the vagueness stand. Dressed now, Jim pulled a crumpled wad of paper out of his pocket, spread it out, and held it in front of Blair's face. "Is this what you want?" Blair stared, confused. That was his handwriting... Then he saw what it said. The topmost page was the last one he'd written last night, with that horrible blank spot on the bottom where he'd been unable to imagine Jim coming up with tender words, with a testament of love. //He found it. He read it. I can't believe he found that...Oh my God, I left that in the sexual data notebook!// "Is this what you want, Chief?" His face flooded. He half turned away. //I could just die. Life sucks. I'm gonna die now.// "...because if it is, I--I'm willing to--to try to make it come true." Blair jerked around. Jim's expression was like stone melting, but those blue eyes... The dam burst. He threw himself at his partner--//Lover? I can call him 'lover' now?//--and sobbed, once, convulsively. Jim's arms tightened around him. "I didn't know, Chief. All this time--I didn't think you loved me that way." "I do. I love you so much." He sobbed again. His eyes started to burn. "I love you, Blair. I love you. I love you. I love you--marry me!" ~Finis~